Apr 6, 2015

This Has To Stop!

 I was obsessed with being perfect and beautiful, like a porcelain doll, forgetting that the purpose of life is to live fully, not to die perfect. - Kimber Simpkins

As a blogger, I love to read other blogs and get to know my fellow bloggers. It's a great way to see the world from the introverted comfort of my own home.

While so engaged, I came across a post that struck such a chord in me that I felt a need to share with all of you. The post was written by J.G. Lucas and titled What If and I'm sharing it in it's entirety below:

There’s a possibility that drifts past me, not quite making contact, not quite settling on me. It causes a slight lightening of the spirit but feels dangerous, like hope.“What if I’m OK?”

If I could say to myself, “You are.” What a relief that would be. How much extra energy and time I would have. How much unconditional joy I would have. The thing is, if you were to come to me and say, “What if I’m OK?” I would say, promptly, “You are.”
But you are. The hang-ups and insecurities you have, I don’t understand. You are beautiful and kind, you are brave and smart. You are a survivor. Every day you make it. You are still standing, smiling, laughing, studying, thinking, loving.

I’m not letting you off the hook. There just is no hook. Don’t be mean, that’s all I expect from other people. If you can stand up in this harsh and difficult world and not be mean, you are more than OK in my book. You are a marvel of humanity.

But from me, oh the expectations. The list is long and growing. The constant lengthening of the list is a promise to myself. “You will never be OK.”

If I was smart, I would ask myself, “Self, when I do all this, what can I have?” Cornered, my self will be forced to laugh a little slyly, and respond, “Have? Well nothing. There are other pages under that one, silly.”

This isn’t self-loathing or even self-pity. It is just something I don’t know how to release. It’s not like I’m interested in perfection. It’s not like I don’t know how little success with my list means to other people. It just is. It’s my hook. I’m not OK. Or Not OK enough for myself. I should work on that.  I’ll add it to my list.

What struck me about the post above is that in one form or another, I see this theme repeated continuously. I live this theme continuously. A large number of us seem to be completely disconnected from our OK-ness. I'm not sure where that comes from for you and often I'm not certain where it began for me.  Is it other imposed or self imposed and if self imposed why not self exiled?

Why can we find compassion and understanding for others but so little for ourselves? Why do we punish ourselves for our imperfections. Do we forget the human element that is a part of us all?

Are we arrogant in believing we need to be better than those we show mercy to or do we feel relegated by some outside force to always feel less than?

WE HAVE TO STOP THIS! Our lives are precious gifts. They are daily slipping away at increasing speed and too much has already been squandered by giving energy to the belief that we somehow don't measure up. 

We are all unique. There is no one anywhere to whom we can fairly compare ourselves because there isn't a duplicate to be found.

The question then is WHAT ARE WE CHASING? I believe it's an illusion. Perfection doesn't exist in human form. There is no amount of anything that will ever fill the "if only - then" void. We can't be pretty enough, rich enough, thin enough, popular enough, successful enough or any enough to compensate for our refusal to be self compassionate and self accepting.

Here is the challenge then. Will we CHOOSE to accept that we are already enough as we are striving to become more? It all starts and ends with that question. What will your answer be? Mine is a resounding YES!

About Anita Stout


I'm a Blogger, Writer, Mother, Grandmother, Business Owner, Entrepreneur, Life Student, Lover of Life and People. I have 2 blogs to keep me out of trouble, and one to get me fit. You can visit my other blogs at:



About J.G. Lucas

I’m a mom and a writer with an accidental cat infestation (three), and a house that is attacking my spirit. I enjoy mangling words to make them do things they’re not supposed to do, and I’m currently using that proclivity to write a fiction series in the genre of Magical Realism-ish.

The above article What If was shared with permission and originally appeared at:



  1. Yep, beautiful post. We have the media, too, always telling us we're not OK. Adverts for newer and better prescription drugs, cosmetic surgeries, new cars, newer homes ... better everything out there for the taking for all of us who really don't feel we're OK just the way we are with just the things we already have. I'm OK and you're OK, now if we can just believe that!

    1. You're right. We're bombarded with "not enough" messages. Since that's not going to change we need to change our response to the noise and see it for what it is - a marketing ploy. You're OK with me Suzan!